what he will never know a Tanya denali oneshot
by Skylie XD
Summary: nobody pays attention to tanya, to everyone she is just one witch more, but what if she did love edward? what was like things seen in her eyes? a oneshot based on my perception of the strong denali leader how it was and how it could be seen from her eyes


_A while ago I was researching Tanya Edward pairings and found one that was a really cute songfic featuring the song more like her, I do have this son on this oneshot but this is not the same and Im not trying to copy anything so no misunderstandings please…._

_Why I decided to write this fic?_ in the saga they never say things about her, i mean tanya was the leader of the denalis and is even a older vegetarian that carlise, so i guessed she had duties with her sisters, you said right people tend to portray her as the antagonist but if you read the saga carefully, the cullens are always saying thing like "laurent went to alaska with tanya, and her family" or things like "bella we where staying with the denailis for a while, with tanya and her family" they dont usually say denali coven its always tanya and her family, because she is the head of the denali clan  
she was always leader after the volturi killed sasha, so i pictured her more mature, not so teeny and lunatic, she must be verry mature to handle a entire coven because she is the lead of the denali like carlise is the head of the cullens so i guessed responsability gave the tanya we meet read about in BD a mature grown up edge, very loyal and insightfull

_nobody pays attention to tanya, to everyone she is just one witch more, but what if she did love edward? what was like things seen in her eyes? a oneshot based on my perception of the strong denali leader, how it was and how it could be seen from her eyes,_

**_based on the songs_**

**_the outside taylor swift_**

**_I'll still be loving you kylie minogue_**

**_more like her miranda lambert_**

**_miss independant kelly clarkson_**

_**tanya pov**_

_**as i sat in looking at the stars that night, i thought about him, thought about everything that had happened ever since he met her, and wished the memories a place in**_

_**twilight**_

_I didn't know what I would find__  
__When I went looking for a reason, I know__  
__I didn't read between the lines__  
__And, baby, I've got nowhere to go__  
__I tried to take the road less traveled by__  
__But nothing seems to work the first few times__  
__Am I right?_

i heard you that day when you came here and see i behaved nicely, i fell for you instantly but you rejected my love, you thought you knew my mind?, thought it was just a simple infaution, i just controlled what i thought around you, i guess i wast right for you, because i head news edward, you really did love that human, and as a mature person i am i just want you to be happy even if i love you so much, you will never know, i guess, you were not smart enough

_So how can I ever try to be better?__  
__Nobody ever lets me in__  
__I can still see you, this ain't the best view__  
__On the outside looking in__  
__I've been a lot of lonely places__  
__I've never been on the outside_

i have to take care of my sisters kate and irina, but edward i do love you, i love you so much it hurts me to hear from carlise everytime he says her name, with such a pleasure it really hurts me, this isnt the best way to look at you, from outside, from behind the screen, you always where so closed, i guess you never really knew my feelings, and you know you where not the only one lonley, i was always a pest right? well i didnt want you to feel that way, i will always be here edward she may hold your heart but i still keep hope, i have been in places suffered so much, i wanted you to be happy, i wanted to feel i was doind something good by not meeting her, i wanted to feel that way you would love me in a twisted sense

we got a new member laurent, he and irina fit very nicely, i so wish he had more control, but with irina's help, he can do anything, or so i hope, he tatalked to me about you, how you are still kind and gentleman, and how you protected her and wanted to save her from james, i was proud of you, i knew that was the reason i loved you

edward i heard he saved her, bella, i heard he is a hero, i still love him, but edward is with her,and that day i was strong enough not to cry, i was strong enough not to feel the pain breaking me inside, and eleazar was compasionate enough to hold my head while i broke down, and carmen was nice enough to avoid entering my room for days, and i was strong, i was strong enough to not ruin your happiness

**New moon**

laurent has left, and irina is so broken, alas my little sister, so many loses, it has always been my duty to console you, it will be alright i said, we got to stay together, and maybe the pain might go away. i stood there that night consoling irina with kate's head in my lap, after mother died, i was the oldest, im the one that takes care of the coven, im the strong one, the controlled, the one who they look up to, the one who wont allow herself to cry.

_I'm seeing it your way__  
__But I don't believe it's true that__  
__I'm not the one to make you happy__  
__It would be so wrong for us to break in two__  
__But do what you gotta do_

carlise and the others are here im so happy but they said edward is going trough alot because the girl got a papercut he is blaming himself, wish he had come here, then we would have talked, i would have told him it wasnt his fault, and maybe he would have seen what i want him to see in me.

i still love him, i dont want him to be unhappy, so i stayed conforting the cullens.

_I hope you find someone __  
__Who can love you like I do__  
__I'll be strong inside__  
__But I'll still be loving you__But I'll still be loving you_

kate as always ready to go and find edward wherever he is and make himget things right, she is my beloved sister, and irina, glad to have rose near, i do the best i can making my home a happy place for the cullens, i try my hardest to smile and cheer them, im selfless enough to think he would want that, if he thought about me...

but one person i cant be around is jasper, he knows what i feel, and my emotions are not as easy to control as my mind, i do love edward, and i wish every day, i was her, i wish, but alas im strong enough to know he doesnt feel the same, and the knoledge the breaks me and burdens my soul

_Since the day that I found you__  
__I built my dreams all around you and I__  
__Believed you would never leave me__  
__So sure it was love forever more__  
__But if you walk out the door_

alice left yesterday and this afternoon rosalie and jasper said they are leaving too, i know he is in danger, he went to the volturi and i wanted to help, go there and tell him he is comitting himself to the devil, tell him it will be alright as i did last year, i wanted to, begged them to let me go and help him, but alas carlise knew my responsability was here, with kate and irina, and eleazar and carmen, irina is mourning for laurent and they need me, alas edward they need me more than you do... so i stayed and did my duty as my family needed. i will miss them, miss the cullens, and carlise especially, one who would be compared to a family by blood because he feels the same about taking human life.

_I hope you find someone __  
__Who can love you like I do__  
__I'll be strong inside__  
__But I'll still be loving you_

_But I'll still be loving you_

i called carlise today, i asked him not to tell edward i had, i was worried for him, and alas carlise told me edward is fine, i breathed with relief, the girl rescued him, and i cherish the human for that, carlise told me about laurent and the wolves, and al those things, ohh edward what will become of you?, carlise told me with satisfaction in his voice how edward had proposed to her, he proposed, and i just could congratulate him on my family's voice, then kate had to take the phone, she was eager to talk to alice

_You say the magic has gone forever__  
__But deep down inside I don't believe it's so__  
__But I'm letting you go_

that night everyone went hunting, all exept me, i stayed at home, painting with my master skill, i painted a canvas for them, the cullen and the denali, like before, but edward, i love you, and if she makes you happy, i wont interfiere, i still wish you had chosen me, but alas here i am, too afraid of getting hurt, maybe if i had showed you the reall me maybe you would have loved me, that night, eleazar was there like a father with his daughter striking the back of my blonde locks as i cried, cried because you where hurting me, and you would never know to what extent i loved you, i sobbed, sobbed for my fate, and sobbed because once you where wed you would belong to her

_I hope you find someone __  
__Who can love you like I do__  
__I'll be strong inside__  
__But I'll still be loving you_

_But I'll still be loving you_

**Eclipse**

the human brouht trouble again, and alas things with irina had not changed, she sweared revange on the wolves and for as long as kate and i wished to put her at easeshe would not calm, laurent wasnt good for her, i knew it, and dear irina, if you would just listen to what olders have to say, its better having you loved one dead that mourn for aunrequieted love at leat he loved you once and died loving you the same, evil as he was he died loving you the same

and because of irina edward i could not help you fight the terrible pest that stalked you, and beleive me i would have, but i still didnt want to meet her, i did know i would tear down infront of the girl that stole your heart, those two reasons where enough to overpower the love i felt for you, and refuse to help you in the battle, i apologized to carlise, but edward i love you too much, and i know i need to build a lot of the strengt i have to face you, face that charming man, and know you never belonged to me in the first place, i hope that you can forgive me one day but i cannot help you or your family when mine is like this, i owe irina my loyalty as a sister.

**Breaking Dawn (the wedding and bella's turning)**

_She's beautiful in her simple little way__  
__She don't have too much to say when she gets mad__  
__She understands she don't let go of anything__  
__Even when the pain gets really bad__  
__I guess I should have been more like that_

you invited me to your wedding and irina didnt come, sorry, when you intruduce us i just smile welcomingly, like letting her know she is now poart of the family, she is beautifull i see, when you smile and say proudly "my wife", and i see why you love her, she is sweet and gentle, she is the perfect girl for you, she has the heart made of gold and i know why she is the girl im not

_You had it all for a pretty little while__  
__And somehow you made me smile when I was sad__  
__You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart__  
__And then you realized you wanted what you had__  
__I guess I should have been more like that_

and i look at you how you seem to be bursting with joy when you say "i do", i feel my heart breaks in two, then i see a guy on the side he really smells bad by i think he feels the same as i, he has russt color skin and he backs away when i come near saying "back of leech", i just shook my head, he had the same face as i, looking at your wedding wishing i would have something like that "does it hurt you as much as me?" i ask the guy, he looks at me like if im on drugs i hastely rearange myself so he thought it was only a mirage, what he saw in the pretty blonde girl's face,like being torn apart, but you cant hear my thoughts now can you? because all you are thinking is the lucky man you are, having her a you perfect bride

_I should have held on to my pride__  
__I should have never let you lie__  
__I guess you got what you deserve__  
__I guess I should have been more like her_

i embrace her and thinks she is perfect for you, but alas you cant hear my thoughts, becuase they are too focused on her, and when you danced with me on your wedding day i just smiled and said "she is right for you in her own way", for as much as i love you i guess i cant be as she is, because i knw she was selfish enough to rish your life for a tantarum, i mean who would not chose you over some mutt guy?, and i keep my mind filled with happy things, happy endings butterfly and lovley couples dancing in the moonlight, i wished you all the happiness in my mind so you thought i was over you, that i tought of you as a friend, and edward im happy you are happy right now

_Forgiving you well she's stronger than I am__  
__You don't look much like a man from where I'm at__  
__It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth__  
__You love her as she loves you with all she has__  
__I guess I should have been more like that_

i looked from afar as you danced with your happy bride to the tune of the hapilly ever afters, and i smiled to you but you couldnt hear me right? always focused and happy on bella's lovely side, and maybe you didnt know but edward im not selfish like her, i was selfless enough to think about your hapiness, the hapiness of irina, of kate, of carmen and eleazar, of everyone but myself, because to me you where not a possesion, or a toy, or a boyfriend prospect, to me you where special someone i wished to be with, someone i wished to protect... someone i loved enough to let him be happy with her

_I should have held on to my pride__  
__I should have never let you lie__  
__I guess you got what you deserve__  
__I guess I should have been more like her_

_She's beautiful in her simple little way_

and as you danced with your little bride and thought about how happy you both where, i ran, you dint notice but i did, was screming in my insides, numbering all the resons you would be happy with her, i was trying hard to tell myself even if i loved you so much, you where better of with her, and you didnt notice i was gone, not did kate or the rest, that day i was strong enough, strong enough not to break, to smile to alice and wish you farewell, alas edward if you knew im not as selfish as her, if you knew how bad i wanted to break the wedding, to tell you why she would not make you happy, to finally let out my grief and admit to what extent i loved you, but alas edward i was strong enough, i was selfless enough to think about your happiness rather than my own, giving you best wishes in my mind and soul.

hours after you left to your honeymoon, i came here, my favorite spot, in the midle of a snowstorm, and sobbed how you belonged to somebody else, eleazar found me days later, still sorow striken, covered in snow he just shook his head knowing fully where my pain was led. and i cried, when nobody saw i sobbed, the pain of knowing you could never be with me.

**Breaking down (reneesme's birth and volturi batle)**

_Miss independent __  
__Miss self-sufficient __  
__Miss keep your distance, mmmm __Miss unafraid __  
__Miss out of my way __  
__Miss don't let a man interfere, no __Miss on her own __  
__Miss almost grown __  
__Miss never let a man help her off her throne _

now i just gave up, and i hold whatever love is left inside me locked down in my bones, i love someone who is married? tanya you are such a fool, i would chant, alas edward you belong to her now, nothing can change that, and i know even if i hid my feelings form you well, i still love you, meeting your daughter is a joy, and i decided i might as well stay alone, i wont hope for you to change your mind, like i did before, i decided, im going to focus on my family and i promise edward i will never fall inlove again.

_So, by keeping her heart protected __  
__She'll never, ever feel rejected __  
__Little miss apprehensive __  
__Said ooh, she fell in love_

and as we prepare for battle i envy her, but you dont know that, because from you i hide my thoughts, what you hear is never what i really think and believe me i think alot, of you mostly, but i wont be rejected again, i'll stay true to my word edward, you where one, only that got in my heart and i still love you, so i let you go, true to my word i will stay alone

_What is this feeling taking over? __  
__Thinking no one could open the door __  
__Surprise, it's time, to feel what's real __  
__What happened to miss independent's no longer need to be defensive? __  
__Goodbye, old you, when love, is true_

and i looked inside of me and saw how much love i could offer my family, because to love others i need to love myself, and i did, i saw that i could allow myself to be selfish for a while, and love myself, love what i had inside, what i could offer others, i guess that was it all along, i needed to lear how to forget you, and show how i could share my heart with everyone, even if im always guarded you know im not that bad see. now as we stand practicing for a future fight i remeber that even if it pains me to see you with her, i need to let go and apreciate myself enough

_Misguided heart __  
__Miss play it smart __  
__Miss if you wanna use that line, you better not start, no __But she miscalculated __  
__She didn't wanna end up jaded __  
__And this miss decided not to miss out on true love __So, by changing a misconception __  
__She went in a new direction __  
__And found inside, she felt a connection __  
__She fell in love_

now irina betrayed us i feel i could have been a better sister, i watched you from afar but i had kate to take care of, i remembered, ever since mom died, i would keep irina down, promising everything would be ok, it has always been what i do, my family, i dedicated my existance to take care of kate and irina, like sasha would have wanted, and when we stood there and i heard aro say your bond with "her" was stronger than anything, i tried not to think about my pain, because i did not only suffer from the loss of a sister but of a broken soul too

_What is this feeling taking over? __  
__Thinking no one could open the door __  
__Surprise, it's time, to feel what's real __  
__What happened to miss independent's no longer need to be defensive? __  
__Goodbye, old you, when love, is true (when love, is true)_

but i looked away from you, for nessie and from bella, i simply turned my face and i smiled to kate, nobody knew my inside, not even you, so i conforted my sister in her grief and prayed we would stay strong together, i prayed to my mother whenever she was, to hold us both, to help me heal, to help me be strong for kate's sake, i was the sister, the leader, to kate i was the strong one, the collected one, the one who never fell inlove, the one who stood tall no matter what, i was always taking kate of my sisters, and kate, kate needed me...

as garret held my sister and promised undying love, i wished irina had joined sasha in heaven, for i wanted to beleive that was where they both belonged, now kate had garret, and i joked telling them i had a new vegetarian to train.

after that battle was over, after reneesme was safe, after i knew garret would be there for kate, i breathed... and laughed, because this was a kind of happy ending, edward and "her", everyone, all in couples, exept me, but i didnt bother, i was miss independant, i was always miss strong headed, miss hold the others, miss lead the way, i was normally miss take care of the denali, i never bothered they thought of me as a simple blonde, i just wished eveyone in my family would be happy, caring for them was always in me... but then carmen came looking around for me, as she witnessed everything and everyone hapily going back home, and she just hugged me, she said "tanya you take care of everyone so lovingly... you have to know its time for others to take care of you too" with a smile carmen and eleazar squeezed my barble hand and for once in a long time, i felt peace...

_When miss independent walked away __  
__No time for love that came her way __  
__She looked in the mirror and thought today __  
__What happened to miss no longer afraid? __  
__It took some time for her to see __  
__How beautiful love could truly be __  
__No more talk of why can't that be me __  
__I'm so glad I've finally seen_

_**hey did you like my oneshot? tell me if i made you feel pity for tanya,,,, then comment and tell me if you want me to continue? sorry for the typoos and thanks for reading i wanna know your sincere thoughts**_


End file.
